Life is all about becoming your own fearless light...
isolation
hiding deep inner space false refuge loneliness fear aloneness painful hollow Fearless Light
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emergence
what if? just peek. look... see... accept enquire be curious investigate make friends |
light
relief reward surprise treasures shines reliable endless source is this me?! liberation |
Isolation... fills the dark lonely space we yearn to escape.
Emergence... is learning to accept and explore that lonely space.
Light... radiates from the dance within that space of acceptance.
Fearless Light... is what shines each step...
Herein lie my little steps toward that Fearless Light...
my particular isolation was intensified when in 2011 my body magnified decades of unacknowledged stress right back at me in the form of chronic fatigue syndrome... to the degree that I could no longer concentrate, think, talk, sit upright, read, comprehend, walk more than a few steps...
fatigue so debilitating I did not even have the strength to react to the fear it engendered at losing all my faculties and having to literally just STOP everything
it seemed ironic that this happened to me at a moment when I really thought I'd finally got my life on track... I was a fully fledged member of an established retreat centre in a beautiful part of France... I had already decided that I would spend the rest of my life devoted to lay practice, commuting between Ireland and France with visits to my family in England and Scotland in between...
I had bought a tiny flat on the Kent coast to rent out which would help pay for the food and necessary supplements the retreat centre could not provide, never dreaming that a few months later I would have to give up my lay practice, leave France, and live in it myself to begin a journey to recovery that still continues...
in my well moments a feisty inner Fearless Light flashed up urgent messages...
this is NOT the end! ... it's your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get all this pain out! ... teach yourself to paint!... use your creative mind to get your health and your life back! ... do you really want to spend the rest of your life in isolation rather than dare to be who your really are?!
this is a portfolio of some of that dance back to my own light on this journey to recovery...
Emergence... is learning to accept and explore that lonely space.
Light... radiates from the dance within that space of acceptance.
Fearless Light... is what shines each step...
Herein lie my little steps toward that Fearless Light...
my particular isolation was intensified when in 2011 my body magnified decades of unacknowledged stress right back at me in the form of chronic fatigue syndrome... to the degree that I could no longer concentrate, think, talk, sit upright, read, comprehend, walk more than a few steps...
fatigue so debilitating I did not even have the strength to react to the fear it engendered at losing all my faculties and having to literally just STOP everything
it seemed ironic that this happened to me at a moment when I really thought I'd finally got my life on track... I was a fully fledged member of an established retreat centre in a beautiful part of France... I had already decided that I would spend the rest of my life devoted to lay practice, commuting between Ireland and France with visits to my family in England and Scotland in between...
I had bought a tiny flat on the Kent coast to rent out which would help pay for the food and necessary supplements the retreat centre could not provide, never dreaming that a few months later I would have to give up my lay practice, leave France, and live in it myself to begin a journey to recovery that still continues...
in my well moments a feisty inner Fearless Light flashed up urgent messages...
this is NOT the end! ... it's your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get all this pain out! ... teach yourself to paint!... use your creative mind to get your health and your life back! ... do you really want to spend the rest of your life in isolation rather than dare to be who your really are?!
this is a portfolio of some of that dance back to my own light on this journey to recovery...
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cathy t
March 2015 fearlesslight@outlook.com all images and artwork on this website are the property of © cathy t |
happy to be back home in my beloved Scotland December 2015... creating art and mending my heart... March 2017
updated December 2018
updated December 2018